Is Civility is Dead, even at Memorial Services?

What are we becoming as a nation? Is hatred an appropriate sentiment at a funeral?

Sen. John McCain has died. Aretha Franklin has died. Both have had memorial services. And at the memorial services, those who were there to eulogize the lives of McCain and Franklin felt compelled to attack President Donald Trump.

McCain I believe was properly eulogized as a man who believed in reaching across the aisle, and who believed in civility in public discourse.

When Franklin passed away, Trump was gracious and non-political: “The Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin, is dead. She was a great woman, with a wonderful gift from God, her voice. She will be missed!”

When McCain died, the president tweeted, “My deepest sympathies and respect go out to the family of Senator John McCain. Our hearts and prayers are with you!”

The president’s gracious and non-political tweet came not withstanding his very public differences with McCain. Compare what the president said with what was said by some of the people who spoke at the two memorials.

At the Franklin memorial service, one speaker could not limit himself to eulogizing the deceased. Instead, he felt compelled to verbally assail the president: “You lugubrious leech, you dopey doppelgänger of deceit and deviance, you lethal liar, you dimwitted dictator, you foolish fascist, she ain’t work for you.”

Jesse Jackson took the opportunity to urge Democratic voter registration. “We have long lines to celebrate death, and short lines for voting. Something is missing. If you leave here today and don’t register to vote, you’re dishonoring Aretha.”

At the McCain memorial, the senator’s adult daughter also found it impossible to engage in the very self-restraint that her father had demanded of the president.

“We gather here to mourn the passing of American greatness. The real thing, not cheap rhetoric from men who will never come near the sacrifice he gave so willingly, nor the opportunistic appropriation of those who lived lives of comfort and privilege. The America of John McCain does not need to be made great again, because America was always great.”

Again, what are we becoming as a nation? Are we no longer able to draw a line as to what is appropriate behavior at a memorial service or funeral?

Is their no longer a consensus at to what constitutes appropriate etiquette at a funeral? At a memorial service? Is hatred ever an appropriate sentiment at such a service? Is a funeral the appropriate venue for a political rally?

I have always thought that a funeral or memorial service was an appropriate time to recall our best memories of the deceased. A time to recall the good things a man has done and tried to do, the times we have shared together, and perhaps, in a warm, humorous way, the foibles of the deceased.

At least that’s the way I’d like my service to be conducted ‘’ with perhaps, in the background, a little Irish music and music from the older Broadway shows and operettas that I have loved.

I would not want to go to my grave hating anybody. If I had a political “enemy,” I would hope I might have forgiven him or her before I passed.

The time for a man to fight with his “enemies” should come to an end before he breathes his last and goes to face is God. Once ended, the fight should not be resurrected by his surrogates.

I am afraid that God might discern a modicum of hypocrisy if my friends were to pray for the repose of my soul, while hating my old adversary.

Posted: QCOline.com September 9, 2018

Copyright 2018, John Donald O'Shea